Secrets

I did something kind of major today, something I've been wanting to do for some time.

I emailed my cousin and asked if she would give me her mother's email (my aunt, my mother's sister). I've been thinking of my mother a lot lately, as I examine the mother/daughter relationship between Sofia and I. It dawned on me that this woman is the only connection I have to my mom at this point. I'm hoping she can tell me more about my mother's childhood, memories, etc.

Backstory...

My mom came from a prominent Bay Area family...she was schizophrenic and a drug addict (to self medicate, no doubt) and my parents divorced when I was 3 months old. She abused both my brother and I and we were taken away from her on my 3rd birthday. We were wards of the court until I was about 11 (with my grandmother having physical custody) and then my dad received custody, but we stilled live with grandma (sometimes dad moved in for a bit).

I hadn't seen my mother since I was 6 when she moved to Hawaii. She mothered 3 other children who were also taken away from her. They are out there somewhere. She died a few years ago, homeless in a bus station in Hawaii...

Heavy, I know.

I know it sounds harsh, but she was like nothing to me, like a biological mother of an adoptee. I know nothing about her, other than letters (both that she sent to my brother and I as kids and letters we found to my dad after he died) and that she liked to write and was artistic. Her family was pretty f'ed up and basically embaressed by her illness, so that is why they shipped her off to Hawaii. They supported her financially but wanted her far, far away.

My aunt and I have never been close, but I did see her a few years ago and I think this is a positive thing.