I used to be able to lose weight. I lost 80 lbs in 1989 and kept it off for 13 years. I knew about discipline and hard work. I knew about getting up at 5 a.m. to work out, every single day. I knew how to go walk for an hour, even in the rain, because, quite frankly, I knew it was the main thing keeping the weight off and staying thin was so vital to my physical and emotional well-being, I was willing to do whatever it took.
I gained a little bit when I met Steve. Nothing too major, just the standard 15 lb cushion one gains when they are in a safe, comfortable relationship. The workouts went from 2 hrs a day, 6 days a week to a half hour every 3-4 days. We were eating out a lot, sleeping in, traveling, doing what you do.
Then, we got engaged. I joined Weight Watchers and started counting points like a madwoman. I had 9 months to look good in a wedding dress and I was driven. When we went shopping for dresses, I was adamant that I was going to lose at least 40 lbs by the wedding, so we had to keep that in mind. The salespeople's eyes rolled so far back in their head they practically tipped over. I'm sure they hear that from every bride. But I wasn't just any bride. I'm a Taurus, after all. So, they somehow got the fear of god into me and I ordered a dress in a very large size. Fast forward 6 months and I'd lost the 40 lbs. Every time I went for a fitting, they had to keep taking the dress in. The reality was, it had started out so big, no amount of tailoring was going to make it fit right. But I lost the weight and felt GREAT and had an amazing wedding. We went to Hawaii and I was tan and thin and happy.
...And then I started on the whole TTC roller coaster. 3 kids in 2 years does not lend itself to a flat tummy, not that I ever had one to begin with. I started my twin pregnancy already over 200 lbs. I didn't gain an ungodly amount of weight with them (about 30) but I've had a difficult time getting this weight off. When I was hospitalized with pneumonia (1 month post partum with the twins) I lost about 20 lbs in 10 days and was down to the lowest weight I'd been in 5 years. Then, I came home and started to feel better, but was so stressed out that I turned to eating again & gained it back in a few months. And there was no time or motivation to work out. I was in survival mode. I am still in survival mode.
But honestly, here I sit, probably 60 lbs overweight (more if you go by the "charts") and I can't seem to get it off. Not that I've been killing myself trying, but I haven't been eating that much, I've been going for the occasional walk. It's just not happening. I have this permanent 20 week pregnant belly that has become like another limb. I know people think I'm pregnant all the time, I can see it in their eyes. "Is she pregnant again?"
The final nail in the coffin? At the bridal shower on Friday, someone came in who I hadn't seen in a while. She asked who the shower was for, then got the "Awwwww" look on her face and started moving in for a hug. I was mortified. I laughed it off, but boy, nothing like someone actually trying to congratulate you on your pregnancy to light a fire under your ass.
I'm considering buying a treadmill as we have room in the garage and the rain is going to start soon. I have to do something. I see photos of myself and I'm like "Who the hell is that fat chick?"
Maybe looking at my wedding photo will inspire me. I'm just waiting for Sofia to say "Who is that lady with Daddy?"
4 comments:
The only motivation that has ever worked for me (and needs to work again because I have gained 25 lbs recently) is my health. Being healthy for my kids and for myself is what has worked for me in the past. But, at the same time we are all healthy at different weights. you have had three kids in three years- cut yourself some mama slack!!
If you find any motivation, send some my way too. I've been a good 70 lbs overweight since before I had David. I've fluctuated a little bit, but not much. I am constantly dieting and falling off the wagon. Now that I am 40, i figured out that exercise is key. I can't lose weight just cutting back anymore!
Right now, I need motivation. I want to lose 20 lbs. before I cycle again after the holiday.
Maybe we can support each other somehow.
Melissa -- One would think the health thing would be enough. Apparently, the Dreyer's Iced Cream bars win out every time. I am very conscious of health now, though, more than ever, I'm just always so dang tired. It's a viscous cycle.
Shelli -- I'd love to support each other. They have that website 3fatchicksonadiet, we could have "2 moms on a diet" lol That is the hardest part, fitting in the exercise. I feel so much better when it's part of my life.
Thanks for your comment! I think you are beautiful either way! I have to say...i just lost 55lbs. I did not do it naturally...i mean i did..but i went to a diet dr. I went from 162 down to 109! YES, i did! SO, you can do it...anyone can, if I can! Don't be discouraged...just find the things that make YOUR body burn fat. I found that even if i'm not actually taking all the crazy unhealthy meds..the one thing i can do is eat eggs every morning, lean cuisines for lunch and a healthy dinner. We quit drinking MUCH...except for on weekends and we also stopped drinking diet cokes, which i found make me HUNGRIER! I know i'll NEVER look the same again..my body is SOO stretched and flabby..but i'm still skinny and on top of my clothes you can see all the battle marks/scars/stretch marks that are looming! O yeah, and if all else fails...i always have Dr. 90210 to fix all my battle scars! :)
GOOD LUCK and i've saved you as a favorite...i think your blog is soo cute and good luck. Just don't expect too much too quickly and give up...it took me from jan 22nd until now to loose my 55lbs!
O yes, how could i forget...your babies are all SOO CUTE! AND your wedding pics are georgous...i did the same thing...and pretty much starved myself and then started eating right after we got married..sheesh i probably gained 20lbs on our honeymoon to hawaii! LOL!!
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