Perhaps I am not the Alpha Taurus after all.
Showing posts with label stubborn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stubborn. Show all posts
Friday, February 20, 2009
Alpha Taurus
So, have I mentioned that my daughter is a Taurus? Or that I'm a Taurus? My husband too? We are a house of bulls and quite frankly, it can get a bit gamey at times, but we manage.
I guess you could say that amongst the three of us, I am probably the Alpha Taurus. I'm not proud of it, it just *is what it is*. Growing up, my nickname was "Testa dura" which loosely translates to "hard in the head" in Italian. I was a piece of work as a child and my daughter is giving me a nice, tasty dose of my own medicine.
Lately, it has been power struggle after power struggle with Sofia. To the point of my not liking her very much as an individual more often than not. The biggest thing? What she is going to wear. She insists on wearing the most god awful get ups or summer dresses in 30 degree weather, both of which I have to fight her on. I know this is completely appropriate for her developmental stage, but it gets tiresome day after day after day. I try to cut her off at the pass, hiding the things I don't want her to wear or picking things out together the night before. This was not one of those times when I'd planned ahead. I was already at my wits end with her because of something that had happened the previous evening:
On the drive home from pre-school, she had her Scholastic book club order form and ripped it. I explained to hear calmly that I was now not going to be able to order her any books from the book club. Suffering from lack-of-nap-itis, she became unglued at this news. She proceeded to cry and whine for the entire 40 minute drive. This behavior, coupled with my PMS and nervous condition caused by the events of the day (housing sitch) almost put me on overload. I honestly wanted to tell my husband to pull over and I'd walk home.
I shut down. I did not acknowledge her, not even one time. Thank god Steve was driving or I am not sure I could have ignored it. I knew she was trying to get a rise out of me, kicking my chair, calling out my name, begging me to look at her, but I would.not.budge. I didn't speak to her, did not engage her, did not react when she repeatedly said "Mooooooooooooooom! I wanted to rip it! I wanted to rip it!" We finally got home and Steve gave the kids dinner and I had some "alone time" in my bedroom to calm down and all was fine after that.
Fast forward to this morning. Sofia wants to wear these god awful, pink leopard leggings to school (my own fault, I bought them to wear under dresses.) Something you would have seen David Lee Roth wear, circa 1984. I repeatedly explained to her that the leggings were not appropriate for school and she actually said something to the effect of " all the kids wear them."
God give me strength. Seriously? Already with this? She's 4!! I am doomed.
So, I pick out very cute, flared, brown sweat pants for her to wear and tell her that if she does not put them on, I will have to take leopard pants away. This escalates into me threatening to cut the pants into pieces. She still is hysterical, screaming "NO! PLEASE DON'T CUT THEM! PLEASE DON'T CUT THEM!" but is refusing to get dressed.
I now regret saying I'd cut them as it's becoming clear she is not going to comply. I count to three...
I am now left with no choice but to get the scissors. I even held them up to the pants, hoping this would force her to give in.
She didn't.
In the end, I cut the pants. I had no choice. Well, I probably did, but I had reached the end of my rope. Part of the problem is my lack of giving her consequences for her actions or following through on consequences. I am usually so distracted and in survival mode that I don't always have the energy or mental fortitude to take on my little tyrant. I knew that today had to be different.
Once I cut the pants, she crumpled into tears, but I walked away, cut pants in hand. I then told Steve he needed to handle the situation from here and went to take a shower.
About 5 minutes after my shower, there was a knock on the bathroom door.
There stood Sofia, eyes brimmed with red, hair disheveled and lip quivering. But she was wearing the outfit I had asked her to put on.
Truth be told, I felt like a "Mean Mom" for this scene, but I am tired of her challenging me on every.little.thing. I really needed her to understand that I mean what I say and will follow through on my words.
It was a tough morning, but we hugged and all was well after that.
As for the leggings, I am thinking they will make lovely biker shorts come summer.
I guess you could say that amongst the three of us, I am probably the Alpha Taurus. I'm not proud of it, it just *is what it is*. Growing up, my nickname was "Testa dura" which loosely translates to "hard in the head" in Italian. I was a piece of work as a child and my daughter is giving me a nice, tasty dose of my own medicine.
Lately, it has been power struggle after power struggle with Sofia. To the point of my not liking her very much as an individual more often than not. The biggest thing? What she is going to wear. She insists on wearing the most god awful get ups or summer dresses in 30 degree weather, both of which I have to fight her on. I know this is completely appropriate for her developmental stage, but it gets tiresome day after day after day. I try to cut her off at the pass, hiding the things I don't want her to wear or picking things out together the night before. This was not one of those times when I'd planned ahead. I was already at my wits end with her because of something that had happened the previous evening:
On the drive home from pre-school, she had her Scholastic book club order form and ripped it. I explained to hear calmly that I was now not going to be able to order her any books from the book club. Suffering from lack-of-nap-itis, she became unglued at this news. She proceeded to cry and whine for the entire 40 minute drive. This behavior, coupled with my PMS and nervous condition caused by the events of the day (housing sitch) almost put me on overload. I honestly wanted to tell my husband to pull over and I'd walk home.
I shut down. I did not acknowledge her, not even one time. Thank god Steve was driving or I am not sure I could have ignored it. I knew she was trying to get a rise out of me, kicking my chair, calling out my name, begging me to look at her, but I would.not.budge. I didn't speak to her, did not engage her, did not react when she repeatedly said "Mooooooooooooooom! I wanted to rip it! I wanted to rip it!" We finally got home and Steve gave the kids dinner and I had some "alone time" in my bedroom to calm down and all was fine after that.
Fast forward to this morning. Sofia wants to wear these god awful, pink leopard leggings to school (my own fault, I bought them to wear under dresses.) Something you would have seen David Lee Roth wear, circa 1984. I repeatedly explained to her that the leggings were not appropriate for school and she actually said something to the effect of " all the kids wear them."
God give me strength. Seriously? Already with this? She's 4!! I am doomed.
So, I pick out very cute, flared, brown sweat pants for her to wear and tell her that if she does not put them on, I will have to take leopard pants away. This escalates into me threatening to cut the pants into pieces. She still is hysterical, screaming "NO! PLEASE DON'T CUT THEM! PLEASE DON'T CUT THEM!" but is refusing to get dressed.
I now regret saying I'd cut them as it's becoming clear she is not going to comply. I count to three...
I am now left with no choice but to get the scissors. I even held them up to the pants, hoping this would force her to give in.
She didn't.
In the end, I cut the pants. I had no choice. Well, I probably did, but I had reached the end of my rope. Part of the problem is my lack of giving her consequences for her actions or following through on consequences. I am usually so distracted and in survival mode that I don't always have the energy or mental fortitude to take on my little tyrant. I knew that today had to be different.
Once I cut the pants, she crumpled into tears, but I walked away, cut pants in hand. I then told Steve he needed to handle the situation from here and went to take a shower.
About 5 minutes after my shower, there was a knock on the bathroom door.
There stood Sofia, eyes brimmed with red, hair disheveled and lip quivering. But she was wearing the outfit I had asked her to put on.
Truth be told, I felt like a "Mean Mom" for this scene, but I am tired of her challenging me on every.little.thing. I really needed her to understand that I mean what I say and will follow through on my words.
It was a tough morning, but we hugged and all was well after that.
As for the leggings, I am thinking they will make lovely biker shorts come summer.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Pink Princess Phone Pushes Mother Over the Edge
This is the 4th day this week I've worked and I'm tired. I feel like I haven't spent time with the twins in days. I just got my paycheck and forgot I started having Sofia's pre-school tuituion taken out pre-tax and this cannot be undone. There was a big screw up with making a large payment from the wrong account that has taken a week to fix. I'm looking at how much it costs for us to live comfortably and trying to supress the panicky feeling in my stomach.
I swear. I try so hard to keep it together, but sometimes, despite my best efforts, things just sort of implode.
Due to the cutbacks at work, I now have to adhere to a strict schedule (meaning I have to be on time) which means there can be no dilly dallying in the morning. I have to wake at 6:30 a.m., get ready, wake Sofia at 7:00 a.m. (if she's not already awake) and feed her breakfast, get her dressed and out the door by 7:30. We have a half hour commute, then I drop her off at pre-school at 8ish, stop and get Starbucks (not anymore, obviously) and arriving at work around 8:25 a.m.
I go to great lengths to minimize the dilly dallying in the morning by planning ahead. Lunch is made the night before, coffee is set to auto perk at 6 a.m. (yes, I have home coffee and Starbucks, another one of my addictions) Sofia's clothes have been picked out (by her, or so she thinks) the night before, I have her breakfast (oatmeal and yogurt) ready for her when she wakes up, etc. The past 2 days, the morning routine has worked like a finely tuned machine. This morning, not so much.
It was going so well. Honestly, it was. She cooperated when I got her dressed, let me put her hair in pony tails and even allowed me to have some input on what she was wearing. I was feeling confident.
And then all hell broke loose.
We were just about to leave the house. I have purse, Sofia's lunchbag and keys in hand, we're running a few minutes behind and she asks me where her pink princess phone is.
"I'm not sure, sweetie. We need to go," I naively say.
And then, she gets that look. The look that I know will only be reconciled by my finding the pink princess phone, which is god knows where and we're late and I'm stressed.
She starts to cry, as if this pink phone is the most important item in the universe and she will literally shrivel up and die if she does not have it before we leave. I tell her to look in her room, but it's not there. The clock is ticking. Finally, I firmly tell her we need to leave immediately as mommy is going to be late.
This only fuels her rage. She starts to become hysterical and I know this is going to get worse before it gets better.
Finally, I just give up and tell her I'm leaving without her. This makes her scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" in anger, but I start on my way. She follows me out the door and onto our front porch, screaming and crying the entire time. I keep walking to the car and open the door for her. I try bribing her with a trip to Starbucks, but that only makes her more angry. She's not budging from the porch.
I'm mortified as I just know every neighbor within a half mile radius can hear this scene unfolding. I finally just make like I'm getting in the car without her and she comes running. She fights me the entire time - goes rigid when I attempt to put her in the carseat, kicking, flailing, etc - but I am able to snap her into the carseat and leave for work.
The whole episode has me frazzled and deeply upset. As we drive off, I resort to yelling and screaming at her about how she cannot have everything she wants and how angry I am at her and how she cannot do this in the morning and can't bring toys to school anyway,etc. The more I yell, the harder she cries and the worse I feel. I know I am taking out all of my anxiety and worry on her right now, but I don't stop myself.
In the end, she calms down and I tell her I love her and that I was very angry, but should not have yelled, etc. I hate when I lose my temper. I was raised in an angry household and it's something I struggle with every day. I'm at a loss as to how to deal with these situations when there is a time constraint involved. I've planned ahead, tried to foresee any potential delays, etc. but it still isn't enough at times. Don't get me wrong, I am fairly confident about my parenting skills and my ability to juggle a lot of things, but mornings like this deflate my confidence, make me think I am doing everything wrong and that Sofia is going to turn into a damaged, obnoxious little girl and it's all my fault.
And all this because of a stupid, f'ing pink princess phone.
I swear. I try so hard to keep it together, but sometimes, despite my best efforts, things just sort of implode.
Due to the cutbacks at work, I now have to adhere to a strict schedule (meaning I have to be on time) which means there can be no dilly dallying in the morning. I have to wake at 6:30 a.m., get ready, wake Sofia at 7:00 a.m. (if she's not already awake) and feed her breakfast, get her dressed and out the door by 7:30. We have a half hour commute, then I drop her off at pre-school at 8ish, stop and get Starbucks (not anymore, obviously) and arriving at work around 8:25 a.m.
I go to great lengths to minimize the dilly dallying in the morning by planning ahead. Lunch is made the night before, coffee is set to auto perk at 6 a.m. (yes, I have home coffee and Starbucks, another one of my addictions) Sofia's clothes have been picked out (by her, or so she thinks) the night before, I have her breakfast (oatmeal and yogurt) ready for her when she wakes up, etc. The past 2 days, the morning routine has worked like a finely tuned machine. This morning, not so much.
It was going so well. Honestly, it was. She cooperated when I got her dressed, let me put her hair in pony tails and even allowed me to have some input on what she was wearing. I was feeling confident.
And then all hell broke loose.
We were just about to leave the house. I have purse, Sofia's lunchbag and keys in hand, we're running a few minutes behind and she asks me where her pink princess phone is.
"I'm not sure, sweetie. We need to go," I naively say.
And then, she gets that look. The look that I know will only be reconciled by my finding the pink princess phone, which is god knows where and we're late and I'm stressed.
She starts to cry, as if this pink phone is the most important item in the universe and she will literally shrivel up and die if she does not have it before we leave. I tell her to look in her room, but it's not there. The clock is ticking. Finally, I firmly tell her we need to leave immediately as mommy is going to be late.
This only fuels her rage. She starts to become hysterical and I know this is going to get worse before it gets better.
Finally, I just give up and tell her I'm leaving without her. This makes her scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" in anger, but I start on my way. She follows me out the door and onto our front porch, screaming and crying the entire time. I keep walking to the car and open the door for her. I try bribing her with a trip to Starbucks, but that only makes her more angry. She's not budging from the porch.
I'm mortified as I just know every neighbor within a half mile radius can hear this scene unfolding. I finally just make like I'm getting in the car without her and she comes running. She fights me the entire time - goes rigid when I attempt to put her in the carseat, kicking, flailing, etc - but I am able to snap her into the carseat and leave for work.
The whole episode has me frazzled and deeply upset. As we drive off, I resort to yelling and screaming at her about how she cannot have everything she wants and how angry I am at her and how she cannot do this in the morning and can't bring toys to school anyway,etc. The more I yell, the harder she cries and the worse I feel. I know I am taking out all of my anxiety and worry on her right now, but I don't stop myself.
In the end, she calms down and I tell her I love her and that I was very angry, but should not have yelled, etc. I hate when I lose my temper. I was raised in an angry household and it's something I struggle with every day. I'm at a loss as to how to deal with these situations when there is a time constraint involved. I've planned ahead, tried to foresee any potential delays, etc. but it still isn't enough at times. Don't get me wrong, I am fairly confident about my parenting skills and my ability to juggle a lot of things, but mornings like this deflate my confidence, make me think I am doing everything wrong and that Sofia is going to turn into a damaged, obnoxious little girl and it's all my fault.
And all this because of a stupid, f'ing pink princess phone.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Calgon...Take Me Away
So the past 2 hours have been off the charts ridiculous. RI-DI-CU-LOUS. Steve is gone working on the old house, getting it ready to be painted this week, so I was single parenting dinner. It's something I do often because even when he's home, Steve isn't always super helpful with mealtimes. You would think he would be, but notsomuch.
The kids were all screaming so hard, it brought me to tears (which I shielded from them.) I don't typically get that frustrated with the kids to that extent, but it was just too much at once. Both boys were inconsolable, refused to eat dinner, were throwing their food on the floor. Sofia was refusing to eat anything I made. I warned her that if she did not sit and eat her dinner, I was going to put away her library books, her most prized possession of the moment. I warned her twice. I counted to 3. She held strong, Taurus that she is and remained completely defiant, so I took the books. You can imagine that scene. Complete hysterics while the boys are simultaneous screeching in stereo, just because.
My sister in law's boys (ages 11, 8 and 5) were home from school today and oh boy, does it show in my kids. I received back 3 mega overstimulated, nap deprived kids who were literally falling apart. I hate days like this. I'm in a pissy mood.
On the bright side, they are all asleep and it's not even 8. That hasn't happened in a long, long time. I think I need a Mike's Hard Lemonade and some Dancing with the Stars.
The kids were all screaming so hard, it brought me to tears (which I shielded from them.) I don't typically get that frustrated with the kids to that extent, but it was just too much at once. Both boys were inconsolable, refused to eat dinner, were throwing their food on the floor. Sofia was refusing to eat anything I made. I warned her that if she did not sit and eat her dinner, I was going to put away her library books, her most prized possession of the moment. I warned her twice. I counted to 3. She held strong, Taurus that she is and remained completely defiant, so I took the books. You can imagine that scene. Complete hysterics while the boys are simultaneous screeching in stereo, just because.
My sister in law's boys (ages 11, 8 and 5) were home from school today and oh boy, does it show in my kids. I received back 3 mega overstimulated, nap deprived kids who were literally falling apart. I hate days like this. I'm in a pissy mood.
On the bright side, they are all asleep and it's not even 8. That hasn't happened in a long, long time. I think I need a Mike's Hard Lemonade and some Dancing with the Stars.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Defcon 5
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So I'm here, in Austin. It's much greener than I expected and lots of rolling hills, also unexpected. I'm going on 3 hours sleep and it's been a long day, but it's been awesome catching up with my friend. Seeing the girls together has been incredibly fun, it's like the last 6 months didn't even happen, they are thick as thieves again.
Sofia had a Stage 5 meltdown at the airport this morning. (I had to wake her up at 3:30 a.m. to leave for the airport - for future reference, not a good idea at all). It was right before boarding the plane, so the entire airport watched her have a tantrum, my dragging her off to a corner so I could attempt to regain control of the situation, etc. This was no ordinary tantrum, this was DEFCON 5 level, crawling on the ground, going limp, body stiffening, shreaking, sobbing, hitting, screaming tantrum. I was near tears myself as I literally was not able to control her and she was lashing out. I knew it was from sheer exhaustion, but all the people staring at me didn't know that. All of a sudden, I was the parent of *that* kid and it was not a good feeling. I was hoping she would sleep on the plane...she didn't. So all day, she was on the verge of - for lack of a better term - manic behavior.
Her and her BFF are now sleeping together, like two peas in a pod. I'm hoping tomorrow I will get my sweet girl back.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Her mother's daughter
So apparently the e. coli strain I had is multi drug resistant, meaning it's resistant to most oral antibiotics. I am on Bactrim, which is the one they say should work. Should. It seems to be, so fingers crossed that continues to be the case.
***
So we're having some behavioural issues with Sofia. She is being incredibly disobedient, tantruming, talking back, etc. Time outs are not working. Positive reinforcement (what little there is of it) is not working. Distraction is not working. This kid is stubborn, she is her mother's daughter and a fellow Taurus. (My nickname growing up -well into my twenties- was "Testa Dura" which means hard in the head in Italian...you get the picture)
My simple analysis of the situation is a) the inconsistency in her schedule and b) competing for attention with the twins and c) the natural burgeoning independence that comes with being a 3 year old.
The fact that I've identified the root of the problem doesn't seem to help the situation. Our schedule isn't likely to change anytime soon. I always manage to make special time for Sofia and at least 2-3 times a week. In fact, if anyone needs more attention, it's the twins. They always seem to get the short end of the stick and it breaks my heart at times.
I guess all I can really do is ride it out, try to keep things as consistent as possible and make sure my attention is distributed as evenly as possible, within reason. So, basically doing what I am doing, which obviously isn't working. lol.
No one ever said this was going to be easy.
***
So we're having some behavioural issues with Sofia. She is being incredibly disobedient, tantruming, talking back, etc. Time outs are not working. Positive reinforcement (what little there is of it) is not working. Distraction is not working. This kid is stubborn, she is her mother's daughter and a fellow Taurus. (My nickname growing up -well into my twenties- was "Testa Dura" which means hard in the head in Italian...you get the picture)
My simple analysis of the situation is a) the inconsistency in her schedule and b) competing for attention with the twins and c) the natural burgeoning independence that comes with being a 3 year old.
The fact that I've identified the root of the problem doesn't seem to help the situation. Our schedule isn't likely to change anytime soon. I always manage to make special time for Sofia and at least 2-3 times a week. In fact, if anyone needs more attention, it's the twins. They always seem to get the short end of the stick and it breaks my heart at times.
I guess all I can really do is ride it out, try to keep things as consistent as possible and make sure my attention is distributed as evenly as possible, within reason. So, basically doing what I am doing, which obviously isn't working. lol.
No one ever said this was going to be easy.
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