I'm Alive in Well in Texas

So just so you know, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. On Wednesday, Sofia and I flew to Austin, Texas to visit our best friends. It's been an *actual* vacation for us and I'm having such a good time.

Yesterday, we drove a few hours south to San Antonio, to a kick ass resort. It's situated on extensive grounds & is incredibly family oriented with multiple pools, activities, a lazy river, etc. It's really like a vacation, for the most part. I mean, it's the kind of sticky, humid hot that one only experiences in the south and Sofia is her usual high maintenance self, so it could never be a real vacation, but it's been great. I actually had a margarita poolside yesterday and let me tell you, it's been YEARS since I did that.

Lots of things to do, Sea World today (complete with feeding dolphins and lunch with Shamu), girl bonding time for all, room service and ,multiple bottles of wine. What more could one want? The accents are cute too. Sometimes, I forget where I am and then I talk to someone or overhear a conversation and hear the drawl. It's actually quite charming.

I've talked to Steve a few times and the boys are doing great. I miss them terribly, but apparently not enough to make me homesick...yet. :) We're back to Austin tomorrow, then Sunday - home.

The girls within minutes of getting to Austin. Sofia was into Bella's dress up stuff within mock speed.



Sofia enjoying the water area at Sea World today.



Shamu showing off.

Happy Sunday

Dateline: This Morning.

Overheard at our house?

"Mommy? Why is your belly button so big?"

Good morning to you, sunshine!

We're off to a sleepover at pseudo grandma's house (just Sofia and I.) I'm looking forward to it as pseudo grandma spoils Sofia rotten and I may actually get to read a book! A non parenting book!

7 Quick Takes Friday - 5.22.09

This 7 Quick Takes Friday is kind of lame and very stream of consciousness. I apologize in advance.

1. Sofia's new favorite phrase? "OHH-EMM-GEEE" (as in O.M.G.) She picked it up at preschool, from her teacher, apparently. When I posted this on Facebook, a fellow preschool mom posted that her little one said "That's hella cute, mommy," apparently also learned from this same teacher. I actually think it's kind of funny and fairly benign. It's certainly easier to deal with than trying to explain what her previous teacher's tramp stamp was and why it was not ok for a 3 year old to have one. (No offense to lower back tattoo lovers, I just don't necessarily want to see one on my kid's preschool teacher. I figure there'll be plenty of time for that exposure in high school, junior high school, elementary school. )

2. Despite being a licensed cosmetologist, I think I jacked up Sofia's bangs tonight. Her raging cowlick/Ocean Spray swoosh and I do NOT get along.

3. I made the colossal mistake of adding my cousin on Facebook. He's a bit of a black sheep (young marriage, drugs, ne'er do well type stuff.) Most of my family are black sheep, but he's pretty far up there on the spectrum, right next to my cousin who is in the State Penn. In any case, I instantly regretted it as I can tell he's on Facebook 24/7 and loves to leave idiotic comments with incorrect grammar and spelling. *sigh* How does one de-friend their first cousin from Facebook?

4. I am obsessed with TAPS (The Atlantic Paranormal Society) and their show on Sci-Fi, Ghosthunters. Honestly, I will only watch it during the day, but I can't.get.enough.of.it. Plumbers by day, Ghostbusters by night. LOVE it.

5. I'm sitting her watching Chelsea Lately, one of my nightly rituals. It's a rerun, so that's disappointing, but I still laugh, even though I already know the jokes.

6. Sofia has become very attached to one of those remote control stuffed dogs. She "feeds" him, puts him to bed and talks about him as if he her baby. As this is the closest this kid will get to a dog for a pet, I am all over this, asking if her doggie needs to go for a walk, wants more food, etc.

7. I was introduced to another neighbor yesterday. She has a 3 year old and a newborn. She seemed nice. As the twins poked their head outside the front door, her instant response was "Are those ALL your kids?" Good times.

That's it from here.

Welcome to My World

This captures quite well the level of noise that generally occurs in our house. Actually, this is quite tame, but you get the idea.

Trying on Thankfulness For Size

I'll preface this by saying that I want Steve to get a job more than anything in the entire world. I go about my business, day after day, looking for work for both of us, never seeming to get anywhere, but overall, I think I am coming to some sort of acceptance about the way things seem to be going. Come end of the month time, the anxiety sets in as the unpaid stack of bills demand that our bank account bleed money.

That said.

There are perks to having a husband out of work. Case in point. This morning. I Slept in until 7:30, went for a walk at the beach (alone), then went to playgroup with one, only ONE of the boys. I was even able to stop along the way and get coffee.

My husband doesn't clean and do the laundry the way I would, but the point is he does it and I am grateful for this. I have to believe that all of this is for a bigger reason than I will ever understand. When I look back on the twins first 6 months and how stressful it was with Steve being out of work, I realize that if he had not been out of work, I am not sure how I would have gotten by, emotionally and physically. Things were fairly brutal as it was, had he been at work most of the time, I may have not just gone to the edge of the precipice, but may have fallen over into the abyss. Big pictures? Maybe it's just meant to be that he's with the boys right now, since I'm not able to be.

I go to playgroup and thoroughly enjoy this group of intelligent, eclectic women. I realize how blessed I am to live where I do (for now) and have the life I do (for now.) Do I struggle with a deep seated, aching envy that these women are all stay at home moms, living the life I want so desparately? Absolutely. But I'm trying to stay positive and truly be thankful for all that I do have.

And on another note. Does it make me a complete freak to admit that I have already packed Sofia's suitcase for our trip to Austin next Wednseday? Don't answer that. (I will say that it's hot in Austin, so I was able to pack all her summer clothes that she isn't wearing here)

The Good Old Days (Say My Rose Colored Glasses)

Way Back Whens-Day

I have decided to use a video for Way Back Wednesday.

Dateline: January 2007
Twins' Age: Approximately 26 weeks (inside my 41 week belly)
Sofia's Age: Approximately 20 months.

You can see Sofia's obvious disinterest and lack of understanding surrounding the whole "babies in the belly coming to turn your world upside down" thing.

I now think back on these early days, when it was just Sofia and get a little wistful. Things seemed so much simpler. They weren't. My father had just passed away unexpectedly and I was juggling that grieving process, overwhelming nausea that required daily doses of Zofran to take the edge off and tending to an active toddler. It just *seems* that things were easier in retrospect. One thing is for sure. Just looking at this video validates the feeling that despite it's square footage handicap, I was much happier in our old, tiny house.

Ramblings from my DVR

Every once in a while, I feel the need to discuss my television viewing habits with the world. Humor me, please. I know a lot of this is trash television, but it’s my vice.

First off, the Lost finale. Stellar. I’m left pondering possible fertility statues, light vs. dark and biblical references, not to mention the possible death of a character that was starting to grow on me (hated that scene!) - but bottom line? They delivered and there is more than enough to chew on for the next 8 months. 8 months! Gah!

I happened upon the Housewives of New Jersey the other day and OY! This looks juicy, will definitely be tuning in. These women scare me. They do. But yet I watch. I’m fascinated by the makeup, the hair, the clothes.

Speaking of scary, there is Daisy of Love. For the love of…. What a train wreck of a show. She is an emotional basket case and most of the guys are misfit, future inmates, musician, alcoholic/druggie types. Good times. We’re only a few episodes in and already the show is well on its way to train wreck status.

And speaking of train wrecks, I am also watching the new Charm School. Lots of tension and drama there!! Is it nice to see Ricki Lake again? Yes. Do I think there’s any chance any of these girls is going to come out of this making a positive change in their life? No. But watching the Blontourage vs. Real Chance girls is just good television. It doesn’t get much better.

These shows are like junk food. I know they are so bad for me, even toxic, but I can’t.stop.watching.them. I get some sort of twisted comfort from their predictability.

Dancing with the Stars finale is on tonight and I have to admit, I am torn. I have been on Team Melissa (natch) since day one, but I’ve noticed over the past few weeks, she seems to have peaked. Shawn is outshining her and it’s going to be very close. Overall, I am definitely on Team Gilles, although I don’t always love all of his overtly sexual dance moves with Cheryl. I know he’s hot, but back off, woman! Family man! I didn’t care for the “freestyle” segment at all. I would prefer to see a freestyle that incorporated more of the ballroom elements. I felt like I was watching “So You Think You Can Dance” or “Breaking 2 Electric Bugaloo” or something. What ever will I do with my Monday nights?

Oh yes, then there’s the Bachelorette. I love Jillian, she is so adorable. Anyone who repeatedly says “Nice,” “Wicked,” and “Right on” is ok in my book. Unfortunately, most of the guys came across as douchebags. I had high hopes for the pilot, but then he gave her the wings within seconds of meeting her. Ughhh. Talk about jumping the shark. The musician bugs me. I kind of like David, but time will tell. Kypton was cute. The foot guy was lascivious and a prick. It looks like a drama filled season, can’t wait!

The Office finale brought a tear to my eye. I didn’t see that coming! My husband thinks the show is over now, but I disagree.

It’s going to be a good summer of television, I suspect. Mad Men will start somewhere in there, only the BEST show on television, so there is something to look forward to.

The Boyzzzz

The weekend was great. Busy and sunny. Productive. Perfect.

7 Quick Takes Friday - May 15, 2009

Let's see if I can get out 7 quick takes, quickly.

1. Sofia has asthma, is coughing like a smoker and actually fell asleep in my arms in the doctor's office wait room today. Unprecedented. It came on suddenly last night. I sent her to school, hoping she was going to be ok, but of course, I had not been here an hour before they called. I wasn't able to pick her up right away and didn't like that feeling. Fortunately, Steve was able to meet me at the doctor's office and take her home afterwards. She was pretty out of it, not able to talk without coughing, so I was concerned. Fortunately, she did perk up after a nebulizer treatment, so hopefully it will stay managed over the weekend.

2. William's new word is "Fowwww-er," a.k.a. Flower.

3. David's new word is "Eh deh," a.k.a. "Out there" referring to Mr. Caterpillar's whereabouts.

4. The other day, Sofia took her shoes off in the car and got sand everywhere. When I pointed out that it was not ok to take your shoes off in the car and get sand all over the floor, she said, and I quote "We can just have the cleaning lady clean it up." It was then that I explained to her that we don't have a cleaning lady anymore. Well, I mean, she still exists, but not in our reality. I wasn't sure what was scarier, her intentionally getting sand all over the floor or assuming that someone else would clean it up.

5. I found a great website this week, Starfall. Sofia is all over it and I love it as it's a great interactive source to teach her phonetics.

6. We're supposed to go to 2 birthday parties this weekend as well as a local parade, but honestly, with Sofia's breathing so bad, we may not be going to anything. I just hope it's not socked in with fog all weekend. Have I mentioned how much I despise fog? It really rusts my soul. I guess living down the street from the beach lends itself to some foggy days.

7. Work has been very busy this week. Not sure what to make of that. But I'd be lying if I did not admit that part of me is like "F-Everyone and everything." I think I need to work on my attitude, ya think?

Fock 'n' Agwahhh

William is starting to try to talk more and more. He's not always intelligable. In fact, most times he is not remotely intelligable, but it's a start.

Today, at Sofia's gymnastics, he was screaming "Fock! Fock! Fock!" over and over and over. I was laughing, but a bit embaressed, not quite sure what he was trying to say but knowing what it sounded like he was saying.

Finallly, I saw it. They have a huge stuffed frog that the kids slide down. He was referring to the frog.

David's new word is "Agggggg-wahhhhh" which sounds exactly like Agua, but I don't think he's been exposed to much spanish, outside of Dora the Explorer. I finally determined that he is trying to say truck as he says it when he sees a truck. He did say "bwooooo" today when he saw a blue truck, so I think he may be able to recognize some letters.

They're still leaps and bounds behind their peers, but they are definitely trying.

Let Me Be Clear

I’m tired today. I’m tired and I’m cranky. I’m pissed because – for the first time in my life – I bought “age defying” makeup yesterday. I guess it goes with the territory when you are 41, but lately I’ve been noticing the lines, the fact that I always look tired, the aging. And let me be clear. I don’t like it. I knew, even in my 20’s, that I would be one of those women who probably went kicking and screaming into middle age and well - here we are. Granted, I am not in a position to run out and get Botox (although I'd be lying if I said I hadn't pondered the idea) but it seems my aging is just hitting me in the face, no pun intended, no matter how hard I try to ignore it.

I have been sending my resume out to jobs that sound like a great fit and I either don't hear back or am flat out rejected. i.e. a recent job I submitted my resume to...

Experience: Prior experience with business functions in an office environment, strongly desired. Sufficient operating experience with computer systems, special management methods, and facilitating access to and efficient processing of assignments in word-processing and spreadsheet programs. Prior experience with professional office functions including proofreading and editing executive correspondence, desktop publishing and graphics programs, and conducting meetings is desired.”

Hello? That’s me. That’s what I do. That’s what I’ve been doing for over 10 years. But I cannot even spark enough interest for an initial interview. “At this time we want to inform you that you have not been selected for this position” is what I received via email. It makes me want to cry.

I can handle the rejection when I know it’s a job that is out of my comfort zone or would be a stretch (anything accounting heavy) but when the job seems to fit so well, I can’t help but take it ever so personally. The only hiring managers that seem interested in me have been those in the civil service sector, which is great, except that those jobs are extremely rare right now.

I am pissed (and hurt) that my company may let me (their first full time employee) go after 13 years of employment, just like that. I feel like an afterthought. I try not to take it personally, but think back to a time when I was young and cute and how much simpler all this career stuff seemed. It seemed like I had forever to decide what direction I wanted to go and the sky was the limit. Now, I’m not seen as being as focused, driven or ambitious because, quite frankly, how could I be as someone with 3 small children who works a reduced work week? It is what it is, but it still pisses me off.

I know that 50% of this deafeningly silent response is the job market right now, but that leaves 50% of it with me, my job history (which I always thought was great) and too much experience. I have been reading some forums for Executive Assistants and Office Managers seeking jobs and boy, that's enough for me to want to just go jump off a bridge. Seasoned people, looking for months with no results, having to move in with their grown children. The market response seems pretty universal, if you are older than 28, that is. Employers want some experience, but not too much. They want to be able to mold you and I guess if you’ve been at a job for a significant amount of time, it’s pretty obvious you are over 30 and possibly not as moldable. I always thought longevity was a good thing, but now I’m seeing that at some point, it becomes a liability.

I thinking of reworking my resume, yet again and possibly having a professional look at it. I’m not sure what else I can do.

/self absorbed rant.

This was way longer than I anticipated. I realize I sound like a cranky, old broad. In fact, this post was supposed to be a lighthearted post about buying makeup, but obviously it went in another direction.

I’ll get over it. Lost is on tonight, so I can't really stay in a bad mood.

Caterpillars and Airplanes

As someone who grew up without a mother, I still get a bit verklempt as Mother's Day approaches. As much as I complain and whine about how difficult and challenging motherhood is, I can't help but pinch myself at my predicament as there was a time - not so long ago - when I wasn't sure I'd ever experience motherhood. Oh, the irony!!

As a celebrator of all things Motherly, I'm fairly simple. All I really want is to sleep in and have the house to myself for a bit. So, yesterday was good. I was able to "sleep in" until 7:30. Steve woke up and brought me coffee in bed while I lollygagged and watched "This Week..." It was nice.

Late morning, I sent Steve and Sofia off to a birthday party and Target run, ensuring they'd be gone for hours, thanks to the glorious weather and typical hellish traffic that usually accompanies such a day.

I decided that if we are going to need to move possibly anytime in the next 3 months, I had better get to preparing the house. (I really know how to show myself a good time, I know.) I went through the boys' closet and finally organized their hand me downs into sizes of 2's, 3's and 4's. If the hand me down stream continues, I may never have to purchase clothes for the boys. While I was working away in their bedroom, they were playing in the family room. I could hear them, so I wasn't concerned. There were a few times when I thought "I should probably go check on them..." but was so in the zone, I didn't want to break my momentum. Well.

I finally came out to find the family room completely upturned, as if a tornado had hit it. Every basket with toys was emptied. All the bins under the train table were emptied and upturned. The bins themselves were in the kitchen, turned upside down, clearly being used as stepping stool to reach to things on the counter. David was walking around with an open water bottle in his hands. I quickly got them down for a nap and spent the next half hour putting the house back together.

After nap, we hung out in the yard. It was probably about 75 degrees, with a slight breeze. I let the sun melt over my skin as I listened to the waves and the boys explored the yard. It was a day perfect in its simplicity. David's current obsession is caterpillars. They are everywhere in our yard right now, serving as a great source of learning and wonder for the boys. When David sees one, he just about comes out of his skin, becomes very animated and exclaims "Ah-per, Ah-per!" (See video below - you can also get a taste of Sofia in the background) We're also under the flight path of the local airport, so small planes are flying out to see every 10 minutes on a clear day like yesterday, providing even more entertainment. "Ehhhh-puh! Ehhh-puh!" they exclaim, pointing to the sky.

Caterpillars and airplanes. That's what it's all about.

Caterpillars and Airplanes

As someone who grew up without a mother, I still get a bit verklempt as Mother's Day approaches. As much as I complain and whine about how difficult and challenging motherhood is, I can't help but pinch myself at my predicament as there was a time - not so long ago - when I wasn't sure I'd ever experience motherhood. Oh, the irony!!

As a celebrator of all things Motherly, I'm fairly simple. All I really want is to sleep in and have the house to myself for a bit. So, yesterday was good. I was able to "sleep in" until 7:30. Steve woke up and brought me coffee in bed while I lollygagged and watched "This Week..." It was nice.

Late morning, I sent Steve and Sofia off to a birthday party and Target run, ensuring they'd be gone for hours, thanks to the glorious weather and typical hellish traffic that usually accompanies such a day.

I decided that if we are going to need to move possibly anytime in the next 3 months, I had better get to preparing the house. (I really know how to show myself a good time, I know.) I went through the boys' closet and finally organized their hand me downs into sizes of 2's, 3's and 4's. If the hand me down stream continues, I may never have to purchase clothes for the boys. While I was working away in their bedroom, they were playing in the family room. I could hear them, so I wasn't concerned. There were a few times when I thought "I should probably go check on them..." but was so in the zone, I didn't want to break my momentum. Well.

I finally came out to find the family room completely upturned, as if a tornado had hit it. Every basket with toys was emptied. All the bins under the train table were emptied and upturned. The bins themselves were in the kitchen, turned upside down, clearly being used as stepping stool to reach to things on the counter. David was walking around with an open water bottle in his hands. I quickly got them down for a nap and spent the next half hour putting the house back together.

After nap, we hung out in the yard. It was probably about 75 degrees, with a slight breeze. I let the sun melt over my skin as I listened to the waves and the boys explored the yard. It was a day perfect in its simplicity. David's current obsession is caterpillars. They are everywhere in our yard right now, serving as a great source of learning and wonder for the boys. When David sees one, he just about comes out of his skin, becomes very animated and exclaims "Ah-per, Ah-per!" (See video below - you can also get a taste of Sofia in the background) We're also under the flight path of the local airport, so small planes are flying out to see every 10 minutes on a clear day like yesterday, providing even more entertainment. "Ehhhh-puh! Ehhh-puh!" they exclaim, pointing to the sky.

Caterpillars and airplanes. That's what it's all about.

It's All About the Princesses

And finally, some Disneyland fluff. Not much as I left my camera in the suitcase the first day and had to buy a disposable, but you get the idea. :)

Que Sera, Sera

Thank you so much, blogger friends, for the positive words of encouragement. It means more than you know.

I'm trying not to freak out too much as a) it's not a done deal yet and b) we've been wanting to move out of the area forEVER and c) 75% of my salary goes to daycare and health insurance, so getting laid off is probably not the worst thing that could happen to me (thanks to extended unemployment and the stimulus package ensuring that 65% of your Cobra can be paid by the government - via a tax credit to your former employer) I hate to look at it like that, but I have to be practical.

We do plan to sell the house we own in the fall and I'm ramping up the job search for Steve and I in the area we've talked about moving for years, using a local address there on our resumes (thanks to Steve's brother who lives there) and hoping for the best. If one of us does find a job there, we will probably rent, depending on what happens with the house we are selling. I'm also going to talk to my sister in law who lives there about getting Sofia on a wait list for pre-school. I'd hate to see her miss out on the most important pre-K year because I didn't have my act together. I figure no matter what happens, it certainly can't hurt to get her on a wait list.

The thought of my having to work full time sends me into panic attack mode, so I try not to think about it too much.

Que sera, sera, right?

Meanwhile, the boys have taken their 2-yr-old-boy-ishness to a new level. There is not a waking moment when they're not getting into something, throwing something, climbing something or just causing shenanigans. Yesterday, I went for my morning walk and when I came home, William was out of the crib, crying hysterically, because he could not get back in. The thought of having to transition them to big boy beds right now sends me into a whole other panic mode, based on the fact that the only thing that gets me through the day is looking forward to their bedtime. They already have a party in there, many nights, throwing everything out of their crib - numerous times - only to have me come in and almost get clocked with flying binkies as they laugh uproariously. I shudder to think what kind of party they'd have should they be freed from the prison of their cribs.

It's a good thing they're so stinkin' cute.

Semi Worse Case Scenario

So, despite my imbibing in several margaritas at my office Cinco de Mayo party yesterday, then having to take care of the kids - who were bouncing off the walls - when we returned home (highlighted by David vomiting on me after eating a tamale too fast), I woke up in a great mood this morning.

My mood was short lived.

My boss was called in to corporate. Unexpectedly. I did not - as you can imagine - get a good feeling about this.

Turned out, my anxiety was deserved. She came back to tell me that they had asked her to take a "significant" pay cut and gave her a head's up that if things didn't pick up over the past few months, there was a high likelihood that they'd be closing a few more offices, ours included.

I am certainly not shocked. I've known this is coming for a while now, but still found myself shaking upon hearing this. 3 kids and 2 unemployed parents is something I was hoping to avoid. I drove around for an hour, knowing I had errands to run, but not able to remember any of them - for the life of me.

My husband is being his regular "Glass Half Full" guy - thank GOD for that. It's going to be ok, we're going to be ok, yada yada yada. Meanwhile, I feel like I'm going to throw up.

I think all of this business is going to accelerate our need to look out of the area for a new job, instead of focusing any effort on this area. It's all going to pan out the way it's supposed to, so no use fretting too much. (Oh, who am I kidding?)

It could be worse. It could be so much worse. Doesn't really help my emotional state right now, but I keep trying to keep some perspective.

Thank god I'm on Wellbutrin, that's all I can really say right now.

We're Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

We had an amazing time at the Happiest Place on Earth but it was much more crowded than I anticipated, so we didn't do a whole bunch of riding on rides. Apparently, no one clued in the Disneyland people that we're in a global recession or possible global pandemic. There were hordes of people as far as the eye could see, spending money and exchanging germs.

The days were full. Between the princess lunch, the Princess Fantasy Faire, the royal treatment at the Bippity Boppity Boutique and meeting up with my L.A. friend and her kids, there was nary a moment to spare. By Friday night, we were both exhausted beyond belief and I think, ready to get home.

Imagine my surprise upon reaching LAX on Saturday morning to find out that my Alaska airline flight had been changed to an American Airlines flight, which meant about a mile walk to another terminal. We were greeted by sheer chaos there and for a while, I was not sure I'd be able to check in in time to catch our flight, even though we had allowed plenty of time. We finally got through all of that insanity, then security to arrive at the gate with the news of possible rain delays into San Francisco. I was shocked. Planes fly in rain quite a bit, I know I have. Steve told me it wasn't stormy, was drizzling a bit. I can only surmise that the delay was from fog, not rain. The morning fog had bumped all the flights back.

We then had to sit there for a few hours while they provided information on a piecemeal basis my anxiety level rising with every passing announcement. Sofia was an absolute mess by then, kept wanting to lay on the floor, not understanding why I would not let her. Meanwhile, people are walking around with face masks on. In all the chaos, I completely forgot that I was in the "Thirty Mile Zone" and to look around for the TMZ cameras or celebrities. (I'm kidding...sort of)

We did eventually arrive home, after a 3 hour delay. Not a huge deal if I was alone, but with a cranky, exhausted child, I'd be hard pressed to imagine a situation I'd less like to be in at that moment. (I exaggerate) I would not like to wait in another line for a very long time.

I will hopefully have some pictures to share soon. All the running around and sore feet was worth it seeing Sofia's face when greeted by the princesses. What a kick.