Let Me Be Clear

I’m tired today. I’m tired and I’m cranky. I’m pissed because – for the first time in my life – I bought “age defying” makeup yesterday. I guess it goes with the territory when you are 41, but lately I’ve been noticing the lines, the fact that I always look tired, the aging. And let me be clear. I don’t like it. I knew, even in my 20’s, that I would be one of those women who probably went kicking and screaming into middle age and well - here we are. Granted, I am not in a position to run out and get Botox (although I'd be lying if I said I hadn't pondered the idea) but it seems my aging is just hitting me in the face, no pun intended, no matter how hard I try to ignore it.

I have been sending my resume out to jobs that sound like a great fit and I either don't hear back or am flat out rejected. i.e. a recent job I submitted my resume to...

Experience: Prior experience with business functions in an office environment, strongly desired. Sufficient operating experience with computer systems, special management methods, and facilitating access to and efficient processing of assignments in word-processing and spreadsheet programs. Prior experience with professional office functions including proofreading and editing executive correspondence, desktop publishing and graphics programs, and conducting meetings is desired.”

Hello? That’s me. That’s what I do. That’s what I’ve been doing for over 10 years. But I cannot even spark enough interest for an initial interview. “At this time we want to inform you that you have not been selected for this position” is what I received via email. It makes me want to cry.

I can handle the rejection when I know it’s a job that is out of my comfort zone or would be a stretch (anything accounting heavy) but when the job seems to fit so well, I can’t help but take it ever so personally. The only hiring managers that seem interested in me have been those in the civil service sector, which is great, except that those jobs are extremely rare right now.

I am pissed (and hurt) that my company may let me (their first full time employee) go after 13 years of employment, just like that. I feel like an afterthought. I try not to take it personally, but think back to a time when I was young and cute and how much simpler all this career stuff seemed. It seemed like I had forever to decide what direction I wanted to go and the sky was the limit. Now, I’m not seen as being as focused, driven or ambitious because, quite frankly, how could I be as someone with 3 small children who works a reduced work week? It is what it is, but it still pisses me off.

I know that 50% of this deafeningly silent response is the job market right now, but that leaves 50% of it with me, my job history (which I always thought was great) and too much experience. I have been reading some forums for Executive Assistants and Office Managers seeking jobs and boy, that's enough for me to want to just go jump off a bridge. Seasoned people, looking for months with no results, having to move in with their grown children. The market response seems pretty universal, if you are older than 28, that is. Employers want some experience, but not too much. They want to be able to mold you and I guess if you’ve been at a job for a significant amount of time, it’s pretty obvious you are over 30 and possibly not as moldable. I always thought longevity was a good thing, but now I’m seeing that at some point, it becomes a liability.

I thinking of reworking my resume, yet again and possibly having a professional look at it. I’m not sure what else I can do.

/self absorbed rant.

This was way longer than I anticipated. I realize I sound like a cranky, old broad. In fact, this post was supposed to be a lighthearted post about buying makeup, but obviously it went in another direction.

I’ll get over it. Lost is on tonight, so I can't really stay in a bad mood.