I found out some information about my company on Friday that has added to my overall anxiety level. I will just say that it was not good.
The boys are driving.me.f'ing.crazy. The level of activity and neediness continues to escalate. Combine this with my constant worry about the future and I find myself in a perpetually bad mood. I am repeatedly snapping at the kids, frustrated withe the chaos of the house and all that needs to be done but never able to be done.
I should be cleaning right now, while they nap, but I'm not. I just don't even know where to begin. I go to these people's houses and they are so clean, so organized. I am left scratching my head and thinking "What am I doing wrong?" My house never looks like that, even when the cleaning lady was coming. We need to have a major garage sale, but it would take me a week off work, sans kids, to prepare. Not going to happen.
I am just not able to shake this feeling.
I am currently watching Glen Beck and the topic is "How to Have Hope During these Depressing Times..." (our tv goes back and forth between FOX and MSNBC/CNN in our house, it's only fair.) I think I had better watch this...
He thinks this experience is going to be a great time for families. Joining together, going through strife, cutting through the bull and being a family, bringing us closer. In a way, I think he is right, it's just hard to see or appreciate that when you are in the eye of the storm.
3 comments:
That Glen Beck program sounds really good.
I just finished reading The Grapes of Wrath, and it was really easy to draw a lot of comparisons between those times and now. And for me, it really brought things into perspective. Back then they were striving just to have something to eat and clean drinking water... we're a LONG ways from that even when things seem pretty bad.
I know it's cliche, but hang in there. Spring is coming and things always get better as the weather turns nice. Take comfort in the knowledge that you will be alright. Even if your job does fall through and you have to move, you will still have each other. Also, there are lots of people in the same boat right now, and if you look around they're still able to eat and able to afford basic housing.
Reason #3829579238 why I love your blog (and desperately missed it this weekend): you are SO real. God, I cannot thank you enough for saying your kids drive you crazy. L has been awful lately. Absolutely ridiculous. I am talking tantrums that include head-banging on the ground!!! I got to see Dave Pelzer at my conference (author of A Child Called It)...and he also said that he thinks that these tough economic times are going to be great for families. I think he's right. Hang in there, chica.
Amy -- I totally agree about perspective. Glen was also talking about the balance between freaking your kids out and letting them know they are part of history (for older tweens and teens) and encouraging them to record what they are going through in journals. I'm all for that, but yeah, perspective. No one is homeless, no kids are dropping out of school to help support the family, scrounging just to eat. I thought what is the kid going to write? How shitty it is that his family had to cancel it's annual Maui trip or he can't buy the latest video game. Seriously, I think we all need a dose of perspective. That said, I was raised by someone who lived through the depression and now I'm seeing why it affected that generation for so long; saving rubber bands, bottles, pantyhose, etc. We can't even begin to wrap our heads around what they went through during that time.
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