I tried a local place and wasn't that impressed, but whaddyagonnado. It's a boy haircut, nothing to get too worked up about. William's hair was quite spastic at first and it appeared uneven, but now that it's had a day to settle, I'm liking it. David's even came out sort of cute. I told her I didn't want the bowl he always ends up with and she used thinning shears to avoid that problem. :)
***
This week's going to be a busy one. My neighbor (the one with 4 under 5) invited me to go with her and a group of ladies to a speaker at the library on "Positive Discipline." I figured I could use a little of that. Things have reached an all time high of tantrums, mommy losing her temper, more tantrums, time outs and over and over we go. We have three things going on this upcoming weekend - a kid birthday party, my sister in law's surprise birthday party and Baby Loves Disco on Sunday. I also have to have "The talk" with my sister in law to tell her we're cutting back on her watching the boys one more day (used to be 4 days, has been 3 days, needs to be zero days, but will be cut back to 2 days for now.) I gave her a head's up this was coming about 6 weeks ago, but I know it's still going to be an unpleasant conversation.
We have property taxes due and I'm trying to to have mini panic attacks. I have yet to start on the Wellbutrin because there was an issue with the way the doctor wrote the Rx (2 times a day vs. 1 time a day) and she's yet to get back to the pharmacy. I haven't pushed it because I was trying to see if I could just get by without it, but it's not looking good. I'm feeling sadder and more fearful by the day. I am having more catastrophic thoughts. I have been having dreams about dropping William in a sewer and not being able to get him out because his head was too large to fit through the sewer grate. And catching him before he fell off a high dresser to serious injury. My latest one is what if something happened to me? Steve has life insurance, but I don't. Then, I start thinking about putting everything in a trust and getting a will and who would we pick and they'd need to keep the kids together and how do we pick XYZ without upsetting ABC and vica versa and my head feels like it's going to explode with all this weighty responsibility. Ugh.
I think back to when I was single and didn't have a pot to piss in. Living paycheck to paycheck. Paying my bills, living on my own, working 7 days a week sometimes to make that happen. I wasn't nearly as freaked out then and I had no reserves to fall back on. But I did have living family and didn't have 3 kids. Now, my father is gone and that security blanket is gone and I'm finding it terrifying.
Time to get that Wellbutrin filled. Ya think?
And Xanax does nothing for me. It's akin to having maybe a glass and a half of wine. I'm sure if I was in full crisis mode, it'd come in handy, but for the most part, it just makes me tired and that doesn't really do me any good.
1 comment:
I love their haircuts! I think they look great. I used to take L to Sport Clips and he got TERRIBLE haircuts. It only took me about 27 times before I learned my lesson. Now I pay MY stylist $20 a pop and I'll tell you what, it's so worth it.
Hang in there with the meds. Been there, done that. I found Celexa to be my personal wonder drug. Every so often I have the weird dreams and thoughts too, but cognitive behavioral therapy did wonders for me. Maybe you could do that. You know. In your spare time and all.
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