Cranky Monday

So, my little luncheon for a friend went quite well yesterday, thanks to the lovely people at Whole Foods and Trader Joe's. (I did make the green salad, so there) Despite the loveliness of the day (Steve took the boys out for the day, Sofia joined in the festivities), I am way cranky today.

There are a cornucopia of reasons for my crank mood.

1. David cries every day when I leave to go to work. I am torn up with guilt about this, about working at all. I feel like the time with them is so brief, I should be with them more. Then, I think about all the doom and gloom projected for the economy and I realize I had better to hold on to my good job while I have it and stop whining about what will never be.

2. I am overwhelmed with the doom and gloom talk on the radio, news, everywhere you look. People have started to use the "D" word and it's left me wondering what the future holds for me and my family. My husband has to attend a "dinner" in San Francisco Thursday night with the rep from the Central Valley and I'm a bit anxious what that is about.

3. I have recently started to realize that I may have 3 kids in pre-school at the same time. I have to laugh at Steve's friends with older kids, complaining about the cost of private school or college. HAH!! Try 3 kids in pre-school at the same time in the Bay Area. I then beat myself up about how I'll afford it, will it mean the boys go to PS later (2010 when Sofia is in kindergarten) or not at all? More guilt...I have been researching schools closer to where we currently live and they are a little less expensive. I'm getting them on wait lists as this is typically an 18 month process here. Again, such problems, right?

4. I am premenstrual to the fifty millionth power. As time goes by, my periods are getting so incredibly horrible, I am thinking I must be going through some complex, hormonal change. My body aches, especially in my lady parts and I'm just a bitch on wheels. Part of me wonders if I am peri-menopausal. This depresses me beyond belief.

5. Things are so slow here at the office, I am quite sure we'll lose staff by the end of the year. I've been here since the dawn of time, so I'm fairly certain I'll still have a job (as long as there is still a company) but if we have less staff, this will mean I may need to be here more and if you scroll up to #1, you'll see that I already wish I could work < the 30 hours that I do. So, this is a concern.

I think that about covers it for the time being. I'm trying to remind myself that I have so much to be thankful for and stop trying to catastrophize every little thing. It's a process.