So, my uncle died. He was 85. Uncle Rudy was a "paisan" in the truest sense of the word. He was Pumatese, but you'd think he was Tuscani, the way he liked to brag. Looking back on their wedding photo, he looked exactly like a depression era mobster, complete with greased back hair and skinny, drawn on mustache.
His parents came from the "old country" and he was their only child. Despite their frugal lifestyle (they wore clothing with holes in them, I was always told by my grandmother as she tried to drill into me how cheap they were) they showered him with attention, ultimately resulting in a cocky, conceited, selfish person.
His wife is my great aunt (grandmother's sister.) My grandmother and her sister were very close and basically raised my brother and I as a team in those early days. My grandmother always (for lack of a better term)talked a lot of shit about good old Uncle Rudy. Cheap, controlling and selfish were words she used, but maybe not as nicely. She was particularly disgusted by the fact that his elderly, perverted father came to live with them and repeatedly tried to molest my aunt. This is the kind of thing I heard growing up.
We spent most days at my aunt's house growing up while my grandma worked so I got to know Rudy quite well. There was always an air of resentment towards my brother and I. He was very jealous, didn't like my aunt having family or her own to tend to. He needed to be the center of attention at all times. I was very young, but even then picked up on the tension that our presence brought to their marriage. One of the most vivid Rudy stories was how he didn't let his wife invite her sisters (my grandmother and their other sister) to the wedding because he considered them "too wild." (My grandma married 5 times, the other sister a few times, so he may not have been too far off the mark in all actuality ) my grandmother being of the "screw you" variety, decided to show up to the wedding. Her and Peggy (other sis) crashed the wedding. I always loved that story. It pretty much summed up my grandma.
There was no love lost between he and my grandma, but for all their shit talking, whenever they were around each other, they talked like they were old chums, chatting much longer than was necessary - even kind of flirting at times. I suspect there was a sexual tension between them and that while he thought he was "better" than my grandma and she thought he was an asshole, grandma was secretly a bit jealous that her sister had married "so well" - at least financially.
In the end, age softened him as age tends to do and grew to tolerate him over the years. He adored Steve and loved my kids - always going out his way to be complimentary. In a strange way, I think he was proud of me (although he'd never admit it) and approved of Steve and the life that I led. Considering he thought of my father as a "pinko" (which he probably was ) and was a proud Republican and NRA member (hunter) I think he was happy to see me living the American dream, I suppose. I know there were a few years there - ohhh, late 80's to maybe mid '90's - where the jury was still out on how my life was going to turn out.
He loved Sofia and she was fond of him as well. As superficial as this sounds, I think he liked her because she looked Italian. He actually held her on his lap and read her a story one time. I never saw him do that with his own grandchildren!! He also liked the twins, laughed at them and commented how cute they were. The last time I saw him was Christmas Eve.
I'm really sad he's gone, which surprises me. I'm also sad for my aunt who will now be alone for the first time in over 50 years. Lots to think about for her son; assisted living, hiring someone to live with her? etc. I wish I had a bigger house, I'd take her in. She took care of me as a kid, I figure I owe her. My brother has been helping her out quite a bit (he lives closer) I wish there was more I could do.
Rudy was a tough one, for sure. In the past 2 years, he'd been battling lymphoma. At the age of 82 went through agressive chemo and radiation. He was cancer free the last time I'd heard. In the end, he died from congestive heart failure. My aunt was a fabulous cook, but no shortage of fat and salt in the typical Italian cooking diet. Rest in peace, Uncle Rudy. I just know you are hanging out with your "paisans" who have departed before you, probably enjoying a nice glass of cabernet.
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