Sitting Shotgun

Ok, so here's why I'm so grumpy. Aside from the aforementioned, unexpected menstrual visit.

My husband is lame. He gets these papers from Unemployment, from Cal Cobra and he doesn't read them. He just files them away.

Meanwhile, we have no had no unemployment money coming in since March (and that was after 2 months of delay.) I finally looked all of it over and realized that he needs to fill out the continuing claim form, which he has no recollection of receiving. I have been diligently tracking all the jobs he (that'd be me) applies to so that I can fill out the form properly.

So, you go to the unemployment website and it's just overwhelming. If you try to call, you get a message saying they are overwhelmed and cannot answer any calls, then direct you to the website.

It's enough to make a girl want to cry.

Somehow, I managed to find the freakin' place where one requests a replacement continuing claim form and submitted it.

I am so done with being responsible for everything. I am so done with bitching about being responsible for everything. I have ragged at my husband about this to the point of which even I hate the sound of my own voice, but this is important shit. All of this stuff has so many levels of bureaucracy and time frames and oy-vey. I walked in the room after trying to get a hold of unemployment the other day and he asked me "So what's up?"

"You fucked up, that's what's up."

I'm sick of it. I want him to get a job already. I keep seeing these people living in tent cities and think that is going to be us. I really do. I have all about accepted the fact that we're going to have to move back to the old house come September. We should have moved back and not rented it. I feel like we just keep making bad decision after bad decision. I'm quite frankly, really scared about our future.

And I'm sure many of you are thinking - Why is she doing all of this for her husband? Why can't he do it for himself. My answer to that is - that is a very good question. I don't really have an answer other than to see that by the way he handles the situation (filing important, time sensitive papers that involve creating positive cashflow for his family away instead of reading them and filling them out) one can see why I need to be the one in the driver's seat. I just hate it. I want to sit shotgun for a while.

Maybe I'm Not a Total Loser?

So a ray of hope?

I received an invitation to attend the written exam for one of the jobs I applied for. It was one of the better jobs, Executive Assistant to Superintendant for the County Office of Education.

This was one of the jobs that required an extensive questionnaire accompanying the application. It's a state job. It pays a lot more than I make now with ridiculously perky bennies.

I'm excited, relieved I am not a total loser after all and of course, NERVOUS AS HELL!!!

It's got me all a toot and a flutter, to the point of forgetting to be nervous for the husband and his big interview today!

(It's also full time, which would take me away from the boys, but I can't go there right now)

***

And how 'bout that last minute addition to the cast of Dancing with the Stars? What a marketing coup for ABC, eh? I predict, Melissa will be America's Sweetheart!

I was like "YOU GO, GIRL!" Team Melissa here. Take that Molly & Jason! Melissa's will rule the world!

Lil Kim did better than expected, Denise Richards kind of sucked (despite my pulling for her -- tall, gorgeous, long limbed woman don't typically do very well) and boy did Steve-O clean up his act!

Eye of the Storm

I am not having fun. That sounds so self absorbed and pathetic, but it's the only way to make light of the way of I have been feeling, just completely overwhelmed.

I found out some information about my company on Friday that has added to my overall anxiety level. I will just say that it was not good.

The boys are driving.me.f'ing.crazy. The level of activity and neediness continues to escalate. Combine this with my constant worry about the future and I find myself in a perpetually bad mood. I am repeatedly snapping at the kids, frustrated withe the chaos of the house and all that needs to be done but never able to be done.

I should be cleaning right now, while they nap, but I'm not. I just don't even know where to begin. I go to these people's houses and they are so clean, so organized. I am left scratching my head and thinking "What am I doing wrong?" My house never looks like that, even when the cleaning lady was coming. We need to have a major garage sale, but it would take me a week off work, sans kids, to prepare. Not going to happen.

I am just not able to shake this feeling.

I am currently watching Glen Beck and the topic is "How to Have Hope During these Depressing Times..." (our tv goes back and forth between FOX and MSNBC/CNN in our house, it's only fair.) I think I had better watch this...

He thinks this experience is going to be a great time for families. Joining together, going through strife, cutting through the bull and being a family, bringing us closer. In a way, I think he is right, it's just hard to see or appreciate that when you are in the eye of the storm.

I Guess the Writing Was on the Wall

As of today, my family became a statistic.

Steve got laid off.

I'm not saying I'm surprised, but it still feels like I got a good one-two in the gut.

I have so many things running through my mind right now, I don't even know where to begin. I need to process this and figure out what we are going to do.

Burgermeister, Go Away!

So the decision has been made. Jobs are going to be cut. Just like that, poof! Full time employees will be given the news that none of them suspect is coming.

They are holding off until after the holidays, bless their hearts.

This is major. My company has never had to lay off people. It has me concerned for the people who have yet to receive their pink slips, for my own job security, for my company's solvency, for the country.

I'm told I'm safe, for now. I'm trying to keep my head up high and just take it one day at a time, but I have sharpened up my resume...just in case.

To say it's cast a pall over the holidays this year would be an understatement. I know, get on board, the train 'done left' the station a while ago.

I'm trying not to let that pesky Burgermeister in, but he just keeps pushing!

Close to Home

So today was very...odd.

Started the day hearing that one of the agents' kittens is at death's door. Very sad, but I suspected this might happen after he brought her in last week. She was tiny and listless and having tried unsuccessfully to nurse a tiny kitten to health in the past, I didn't get a good feeling about it.

Then, I heard that someone I used to work with (she's in another office now) who has been going through a nasty divorce the past 4 years just found out that she has to pay alimony to her deadbeat husband. He has two DUI's and is bartending after losing his very stable job a few years ago. This woman is barely able to make ends meet living on her own with 2 girls. It's unfathomable that the court would do something so cruel. She is, as you can imagine, beside herself and not really sure what she is going to do.

Next, my boss is summoned to our corporate office for an unexpected meeting. In this fragile economy, that's never good. So, most of the afternoon, my co-worker and I (who have been here 12 and 13 years, respectively) were on pins and needles waiting to hear what was happening.

My boss finally returned and let us know we were ok...for now. They are closing one of the office (there are 8) and shifting some staff around. I tried not to freak out too much, kept telling myself "Whatever is meant to be is meant to be" and I truly believe that. Still, this is all very disconcerting and hitting close to home.

Times, They are A' Changin'

So, the economic situation really has me nervous. I'm no economic guru, but I know enough to be queasy over the recent economic downturn. There seems to be a lot of finger pointing going on - from both conservatives and liberals - and boy, it sure seems like the blame game isn't going to get anything accomplished. One thing is for sure, I do not envy the person who becomes the next POTUS as they have a mess waiting for them, fiscally, socially, domestically, internationally, every which way.

Our CFO sent out an email today, announcing that the company has cancelled all holiday celebrations this year: bonuses, parties, things along those lines. We are to watch all expenses with a fine toothed comb, tighten up the boot straps in every way. The email also has some vaguely ominous reference to future cuts...

"We will be trying our best over the next several weeks to avoid as much pain as we can for everyone during this difficult time."

Sounds like layoffs are potentially around the corner. Either that or they are trying to counter the shock of no Christmas bonus with a nice *Hey, it could be worse, you could get layed off* bit of verbiage to cover their asses.

It's certainly not a shock, considering I work in the real estate industry and the state of economy, but still a bit unsettling. I have worked for this small (8 local offices) company for over 13 years (I was their first, full time employee) and things have been quite bountiful in the Bay Area real estate market for as long as I've been around. I have never seen them make a statement like this or even hint at layoffs.

Times, they are a changing.