The Rules

So yeah. Not to get all Supernanny on you, but we've instituted some new rules and posted them for all to see. It makes perfect sense. In my single days, I was a "rules" girl and now, a mom of three and feeling the need for some semblance of law and order in my household, I've returned to "the rules."

In order for them to be effective, I have to apply these rules to everyone, including the boys. Consequence for breaking a rule is a time out. (I don't really believe in time outs under 2, but if the boys actions are really egregious, they will get a calm down time in their crib equal to one minute, just to show Sofia that I mean business and these rules are not to be broken.)

I'll have to get back to you on how they're working out.

I particularly like the "if it's on the floor, it gets thrown away" rule. Talk about killing two birds with one stone!!

Inmates and Baby Gates

So, it's been a long weekend. The inmates are running the asylum and I'm perilously close to calling and volunteering for Supernanny.

Yesterday afternoon, when I *thought* Sofia was napping, she was rifling through some old bags of mine and found herself a stash of orange flavored bubble gum. The best part is that she sauntered nonchalantly out of her room, huge wad of gum in her mouth and reeking of navel oranges - as if smelling like a Starburst was a perfectly natural state of being and completely undetectable.

The saga continued this afternoon as I came into her room to find her with another wad of gum in her hand. She had somehow stashed a secret supply of gum when I'd removed the offensive gum on Saturday. Aside from the fact that she had MORE gum, I was mostly concerned at her sneakiness.

Yesterday, Sofia referred to Steve and I as "You two." Yes, she did. My 3 year old daughter.

William did finally figure out how to catapult himself out of his crib. He did it right in front of me and landed hard on his backside. He seemed quite upset and shocked by the whole thing, so I'm not sure that he'll be doing it again soon. Time will tell.

I installed a baby gate to separate the kitchen and family room from the bedrooms. The new rule is no food or drink beyond the gate and no playing with the gate. Of course, everyone is obsessed with the gate - mostly opening and closing it. They cry and whine while on either side of the gate, let you open it for them and then insist on closing it again, crying and whining, etc. continuing the cycle. At this point, I feel like taking the gate and driving the minivan over it.

But tomorrow is Monday and time to start anew.

The perfect storm

I am having all sorts of acting out issues with my daughter. I suspect most of it is just sheer jealousy or her twin brothers. We did great for the first year, some jealousy but nothing out of the ordinary. Sofia has always been an alpha. Put her in a social setting with her peers, she typically has a dominant personality and temperament - first in line to do whatever is required, pretty good at listening to the teacher. Since the boys started walking, it's like all the negative aspects of her alpha personality have intensified 100 times. It's exhausting, disheartening, hurtful, depressing and exhausting, to name a few emotions.

When the boys are not around (napping or asleep) she is your average 3 year old (with a bossy streak). There are moments of frustration for her and us, but overall, she's engaging, fun and sometimes even delightful. When the boys are in the mix, she turns into a spiteful, mean spirited little bully. I realize the strength of those words, but honestly, that is how drastic the difference is. She hits, yells, pushes, doesn't listen, acts out, etc. I realize that all of this is attention-seeking behavior and part of her job as a 3 y.o, but I can't help but think her age, the boys' burgeoning independence and her temperament have created the perfect storm. My problem is how to minimize it. She gets so much attention as it is; I feel that the boys get the raw deal. I am torn between being there to nurture them and spending time coaching her through her emotions. There don't seem to be any easy answers.

I realize that my situation is not the normal sibling relationship, so it makes it hard for most of the parenting books to address the situation and offer specific strategies on how to handle it. I've read so many and I "get" what all of them are saying. It's just incredibly hard to follow through with so much of it due to the mere fact that my husband and I are outnumbered.

I try to make "special" time for my daughter, always, because I so value our Mommy/daughter time. I grew up without a mother, so I don't have a guidebook and only want to make sure she is raised in the most emotionally healthy way (unlike my own upbringing). When I'm at my lowest, I am actually resentful that she doesn't appreciate all that I do for her. I hate even admitting that.

I picked up a few books - Siblings without Rivalry and Toddler 411, so plan on doing some reading. Not sure if it will help but I just feel so out of control and desperately seeking feasible, tested strategies for dealing with this type of situation.

Sticker Charts and Iced Cream

As of Saturday, we have instituted a sticker chart system in our house. Done out of frustration and admittedly, without much forethought, I didn't download any cute templates, just grabbed a piece of paper, made some stars for the stickers to be placed on and explained the system to Sofia.

The system is Sofia gets one sticker for every time she uses the potty. She can also earn a sticker for getting herself dressed, helping mommy, listening to mommy, etc. Fortunately, my little diva caught on pretty quick and was exclusively using the potty all weekend, including when we went out all day. Her diaper stayed dry and I could not have been more pleased.

Her reward for filling up a sticker chart is either going to the bookstore to buy a new book or going to get an iced cream. I'll let you guess which one she picked when she had filled up her chart by Sunday night!

We ended up going to dinner with all the kids and I let her order a Sundae. Of course, this led to her saying Sunday, Monday, Tuesday (makes perfect sense) which was pretty funny.

We now have a new sticker chart and she is only 2 stickers away from going to the bookstore for a new book.

I'm not naive enough to think this will work forever. Her being 3 and all, I realize that once the novelty wears off, I'm sure she'll lose interest, but I'm trying to keep it fun and keep her engaged, so we'll see.

It's certainly helped the potty training. She is now telling me when she has to go and wearing panties at home (no accidents). I do take her to the potty every 45 minutes or so, so it is requiring a lot of work on my end, but it sure was nice to only use one diaper the other day!!

Wish us luck.

Her mother's daughter

So apparently the e. coli strain I had is multi drug resistant, meaning it's resistant to most oral antibiotics. I am on Bactrim, which is the one they say should work. Should. It seems to be, so fingers crossed that continues to be the case.

***
So we're having some behavioural issues with Sofia. She is being incredibly disobedient, tantruming, talking back, etc. Time outs are not working. Positive reinforcement (what little there is of it) is not working. Distraction is not working. This kid is stubborn, she is her mother's daughter and a fellow Taurus. (My nickname growing up -well into my twenties- was "Testa Dura" which means hard in the head in Italian...you get the picture)

My simple analysis of the situation is a) the inconsistency in her schedule and b) competing for attention with the twins and c) the natural burgeoning independence that comes with being a 3 year old.

The fact that I've identified the root of the problem doesn't seem to help the situation. Our schedule isn't likely to change anytime soon. I always manage to make special time for Sofia and at least 2-3 times a week. In fact, if anyone needs more attention, it's the twins. They always seem to get the short end of the stick and it breaks my heart at times.

I guess all I can really do is ride it out, try to keep things as consistent as possible and make sure my attention is distributed as evenly as possible, within reason. So, basically doing what I am doing, which obviously isn't working. lol.

No one ever said this was going to be easy.

The Paradoxical 3 year old

There are days and there are days.

This is one of those days. I'll just preface this by saying that I'm sick, all the kids are sick. Everyone's cranky.

Sofia woke up in a foul mood and within 5 minutes was crumpled in a heap on the kitchen floor, hysterically crying for no apparent reason. She then demanded I "feed" her her waffles like a baby. When I said no and went to feed the twins (they were crying hysterically at the same time, wanting their bottles), she took it to a whole-new-level. She laid on the floor screaming and I rousted Steve and told him to go in there and do something.

That just made things 100 times worse as apparently, she only wanted me. A half hour later, I had her in my arms, trying to calm her down as she was shaking and gasping, as one does after a marathon tantrum. I kept telling her to take deep breaths, but this only heightened her anger.

All of this before 8 a.m. and it went downhill from there.

Without getting into much more detail, I'll just say that I could do nothing right in my daughter's eyes today, yet she wanted nothing to do with anyone but me. It was quite paradoxical, actually.

We also made a park run which turned out to be a unmitigated disaster. I had visions of pushing the twins on the swings while Sofia would play happily in the sandbox....not.so.much. Within 5 minutes, she insisted on taking off her shoes (had a boo boo) and basically shreaked whenever I paid attention to the twins and not her. Clearly, she did not appreciate their interloping on her territory, running through the park like a crazed, barefoot banshee, complete with snot running down her nose, to complete the effect. Let's just say I know I wasn't just imagining the looks of pity and disdain I was receiving.

Was going to try and have the twins sleep in their cribs in the nursery tonight, but as most everything else, that didn't go as planned either. With David crying for about half an hour and my 12 hour Sudafed quickly wearing off, I made the decision to try another day.

So, the twins will not officially be sleeping in the nursery by their first birthday. But you know what? I'm ok with that.