Monday sucks

Not sure if it's the weaning off Zoloft or what, but am incredibly down today.

Started the day very concerned about David's breathing. Once again, my 5 a.m. visitor came in bed with me and was chatting loudly, so woke the boys. She was telling me in great detail how she saw a shadow but realized it was only her doll highchair, so wasn't scared, that it hadn't "talked" to her as the other shadow had.

At 6 a.m, I got up and got ready for work, vascilating the whole time between staying home and going in. The boys woke around 6:30 a.m. and I immediately took David for his first nebulizer treatment of the day, with him crying and fighting me the whole way. He seemed ok after that, so I decided to go in to work. I had already taken Friday off and with all that is going on in our company, I didn't want to appear as if I just don't care anymore.

It was tough, though. He cried hysterically as I left and I could hear him crying as I got in the car. William, on the other hand, waved goodbye to me from the window. My heart literally broke in half and spilled out on the street as I drove away. Every mom muscle inside me wanted to turn that car around. But I can't. It's a total catch 22. We need good health insurance. For us to have good health insurance, I have to work 30 hours a week. I am lucky that I am given the opportunity to work 30 hours a week and have family to watch the kids, I keep reminding myself of that in moments like this. That said, I cried all the way to work.

As soon as I get to work, my boss tells me we need to meet after the sales meeting. I get this sick feeling in my tummy. During our meeting, I'm informed that we need to cut staff hours, so that means reception will be cut to 4 hours a day. I'm concerned how they will take this news and of course, how this will affect me. I barely want to be here anymore as it is and the way it's looking, I may be required to be a little more flexible with my schedule, required to take on more work, when at times, this is the last place I want to be.

Again, glad to have a job, but at some point very soon, I think I may need to look at all my options for this next year. I feel like I am missing so much with the boys. I feel like David needs me. I'm beyond torn up about this. There has got to be a way I can stay home and still have insurance. I just have to figure it all out. I could join Steve's insurance (Kaiser) but that makes me very nervous. Still, it's an option.

Then again, I'd be giving up contributing to my 401K - which is part of my future solvency. Brutally honest, Steve is 48 years old and there will be a time (hopefully not for many, many, many, decades) that I may be alone with 3 kids. I hate to think like that, but I am a pragmatist.

Oh joy, what a wonderful day.

Enfant de Juicy

You know the *Millenials* are having babies when the hottest diaper bag around is by Juice Couture. Honestly, I am feeling really old right about now. I like cute diaper bags as much as the next hipster mom, but I'm a little more old school and a lot less The Hills when it comes to by baby related accessories.

Ah, Sofia

Sofia has announced that she is Hannah Montana Sofia Rock Star.

She came in the room while I was watching Rock of Love Charm School, took one look at Lacey and said she wanted to be the red person. She then said "What the heck are you watching, Mommy?"

Alrighty then.

We went grocery shopping late this afternoon and for some insane reason, I brought Sofia with me. After a quick trip to the library, we headed for Safeway. She wasn't too bad, thanks to a nap, but when we got in line to check out, it was rather crowded and she was apparently kicking an old lady's cart who was (if I do say so myself) a little too close to us.

I was busily arranging my items on the conveyer belt (anyone who reads my blog knows I'm a wee bit anal about this) so wasn't paying attention. The old lady said "Hey! Don't kick my cart!"

I immediately stopped what I was doing and reprimanded Sofia with a terse, "Sofia, please do not kick the cart..."

A minute later, I hear the lady say "Kick your own cart!" a little bit bitchier than I thought necessary. She went on a bit and I cut her off with a "She's just a little girl..." Of course, she immediately backed off.

I felt sort of bad for a moment, but she was just a cranky old lady and she was standing too damn close to us.

Sofia then proceeded to cough her croupy cough right in the woman's personal space. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.

Take that, old biddy.

I'm going to hell, I'm sure of it.

Words, Asthma & the Return of the Fee Fi Fo Monster

So, David didn't wake up during the night needing a Nebulizer treatment, so that was good.

Unfortunately, the Fee Fi Fo Monster is back, so I was greeted by Sofia at 3 a.m, wanting to get in bed with me. We really need a bigger bed. That's not likely to happen, so in the meantime, I once again, dragged her mattress in our bedroom and plopped it on the floor.

This made her happy, laying sort of next to me, insisting that I face her until she fall asleep. Just as I was drifting off, I hear her say "I lay there, close my eyes, waiting for you to come and give me my treatment and you never came..." (I had promised her I'd give her a nebulizer treatment after I gave David one, but she was asleep and there was no way I was waking her.)

Only my kid would look forward to taking her medicine. She actually scurries around saying "It's time for my treatment!"

*****

I woke up to Sofia's little voice saying "Mommy? Why is your boob sticking out?" And there it was, my boob had completely popped out of my shirt, in all its 3-kids-and-various-weight-fluctuations-glory.

The morning has been...interesting. David has been understandingly clingy and very OCD. He has to have his favorite pink binky in his mouth, his favorite blue binky in his right hand and various items in the left hand. For a while, it was my Exergen temperal scanner, then it was a little car, then it was a sippy with juice.

We played stickers for a while. Sofia took great delight in placing stickers all over my chest. She seems a little obsessed with my chestal region today, I wonder why.

Then, we did a nebulizer treatment on all 3 kids. William was a rock star, holding the piece on his own and keeping it in his mouth the whole time. Teething and nebulizer treatments definitely mix.

After that, we all looked at picture books and learned some words. Sofia was getting a little too aggressive, basically trying to take over and demanding we turn the page on her timetable, so I warned her to stop. She then said..."I don't wuv you!"

"What?" Knife in my chest.

"I wike you...but I don't wuv you..." she exclaimed, then slowly broke out in a grin, knowing she was saying something very shocking and/or innappropriate.

If I had a dime for every time I heard that and said that back in my single years, well, let's just say I'd be a very rich woman. I never thought I'd hear it from my 3 year old daughter and have absolutely no idea where she heard it. I thought it was pretty ironic that in the midst of teaching the boys words, I had some hurtful ones thrown at me. A more enlightened mom might have sat and explained that it's ok to have those feelings, but that it hurts mommy to hear her say that. Feeling impatient, sleepy and nursing a headache, I was not quite that enlightened.

"Please don't say that, it's not nice," was my terse response. I think she got the message.

So, that takes us to the present. All 3 are napping and I could be cleaning, doing laundry, grocery shopping for that matter, but I'm feeling a bit lazy, so I've shut myself into my bedroom and plan on reading and watching cable news. Good times.

A typical Saturday

So, all 3 kids have a croupy cough. They have been fine, it just came on all of a sudden. I just finished giving David a nebulizer treatment, poor little guy can't breathe. He gets really upset when he's sick because it hinders his ability to enjoy his binky.

The birthday party today was quite fun. All the kids took an early nap which enabled us to leave on time and arrive on time. I have realized lately that I always leave "early" and arrive on time. That is life with 3 kids for you.

The boys and Sofia were in good spirits, due to their aforementioned nap, so that was good.

Saturday

So, today we are going to a birthday party. I'm excited as I've never been to the venue before and it sounds fun.

Yesterday, I sat with the boys and a big picture book and went through lots of different items and sounds and David tried to say "car, ball, truck," and William's new word for the day is "go..." So, they are making some progress.

In the afternoon, I took David to the local pediatrician (as opposed to their "regular" pedi who is an hour away) as David has a bit of a cough and I wanted to get some asthma meds. I picked his brain on the speech issue as he tends to be less conservative than their regular pedi.

He seemed to think it was a good idea as they may need a little help moving their speech along. He said he wasn't worried about any social issues with David as he clearly understood what was going on and had a "sparkle in his eye." Yeah, that's my boy.

I'm hoping we can get a tree this weekend as well. We shall see.

Blog Header

Ok, so the blog header. It's a work in progress, that is all I can really say about that. I don't have short hair and obviously don't have boy/girl twins, but that was the closest I could come to anyone who looked like me. The expression on her face fit, so that was that.

I am such a ditz. I left my contacs in for 2 days. (they are daily wear contacs) Last night, my eyes were really hurting and this morning, I was convinced I had pink eye. It just never dawned on me that I would do something like that. My eyes hurt quite a bit now, so hopefully I haven't done irreparable damage to my eyes.

I am reading "Mother Warriors" by Jenny McCarthy and so far, liking it very much.